Chapter 3
As much as I cannot identify right now with the following,I would like to talk about the grieving part,The one that not all are talking
The one after the birth-giving
I was not in a perfect mood for almost 4 months.
As everything in life,when you give birth,When you start a new chapter. A new life. A new you. After the realization of all changes that have been taking place.
There is the grieving period.
Before I continue I would like to say that one of my deepest believes is that: ‘no place, person or thing has any power over me, I am not a victim, I am always in control’.
By saying that, I would like to say ‘oh man’, ‘oh man’! This was an absolutely life changing experience, and my body was doing the best.
My emotions were mixed My old self was there laughing at me.Oh God!I was in a grieving phase.
I will be as honest as I can here.
I was even grieving that I was no longer pregnant.I was grieving this absolute huge commitment. I was grieving my relationship with my partner. With my other babies.
With my everyday life , with the ease of planning for just a simple day.
I never felt so lonely in my life .I was feeling that I was the only one that could understand what was all that and I was coming face to face with myself and I had to deal with it!
I desperately needed time and space to breath, to feel me again, to grieve my old and welcome the new.
That contrast though was the most oxymoron one I have ever experienced.
I Wanted my baby so badly, and feeling all that love for her.
All that blessing and at the same time literally that same moment, I wanted to leave her, I wanted to leave all of my family and never come back, to start a new life, somewhere that no one knew me, somewhere that I could be alone and get closer to my old self.
Even though I have realized that I had to farewell to the old me, that this was a new me, a new version of me, a new life.
And I only had two options, to stay there in the escaping mood, or to create and embrace the new, even though that new was feeling so far away, like a stranger, like someone who lost her memory and the love of her life comes and tell her partner that they used to be the happiest couple. It was beyond me, it was a stranger telling me that we love each other, my instincts said he was right, but it was so scary and beyond familiar.
This is me being honest. That was me after birthing. That was me flowing and resisting the new. That was me grieving, and going through all stages:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
And I love me
Dear self I love you
I love you by no means
In all phases.
Chapter 4 – the last one
Life looks good again
After the rain
A calmness makes its entrance
A silent reassure that everything will be smooth and easy again
It’s not about that everything in practical manners, is perfect.
In our idea of perfection of course, since perfection only exist in our minds.
A perfection with standards that we have created, A perfection that doesn’t really exist.
It’s not even about perfectionism.
It’s about harmony
Harmony that only comes from inside.
This kind of harmony exists in every situation.
It exists in our worst moments and in the darkness.
So, when this kind of harmony is there, there is not really darkness,
It lights up the room and shows the path to the light.
Harmony goes with the flow.
Like an old friend, that is there and keeps you company, and is helping you to see things from a different perspective.
It keeps you warm, it’s there to listen, to understand and stand by your side, while crossing a lake.
It helps you see how far you have come, and brings with it a strong believe that all is well, even though you cannot see it yet.
And when you move across, it celebrates
with you and moves proudly into a new reality.
A fresh new. A new chapter that you couldn’t imagine.
A better version of you
A calmness and a satisfaction that you have never experienced before.
It takes gads and patience, and trust
And when you think that you know it all
Life comes with a new surprise
And you move with that harmony
Like a hero
In control of your thoughts and faith in YOU.
Even if the events are unknown
And new.
So! Move on to life, with that friend
That it’s always with you
It called your higher self
The one that knows that deep inside
everything is well
In that moment space and time
Besides…
Remember that a life-time it’s like a blink of an eye
And the game continues
In the infinity
And above
Till the never ending of our existence.
I love you
Everything is well
Let me be that friend for you.